My dear friend Lauren needs a bio for her upcoming stint at BSides Nashville. Here is my attempt to commit greatness such as her own, into mere mortal words.

Her Ladyship Baroness Lauren Abrielle Cherlene Griddlebone McHackingston ne Bonaparte I, Esquire. With an ancestry to match her impressive moniker, Lauren was born to Marie Curie and Napoleon Bonaparte during the former’s brief tenure as a theoretical temporal scientist. Raised by a cadre of unicorns and LISP programmers, Lauren grew into one of the world’s foremost experts in the fields of fluffy pink pastel fashion, doom enhanced information security, and equestrian para-genetics.

A member of many esteemed societies, Lauren holds many titles. The Almighty Church of Wifi has proclaimed her The Most Fabulous Unholy Unicorn Empress. She is an honorary member of The Esteemed Order of Awesomeness, Second Class. She is also a a 774th Degree Dark Paladin of the Fabled Unicerate Equestrian UNIX Order. During the mid 1990s, Lauren briefly performed with famous rockers AC/DC, while bassist Cliff Williams was recovering from a bout of hysterical pregnancy.

Lauren is best known for her ongoing work to breed a race of cybernetically enhanced, hacker unicorns. One day, we can all expect this harbinger of infosec doom to rule over hackerkind with her legion of Metasploit enhanced, cyber pink ponies. I, for one, say that day cannot arrive soon enough. Hail Pink Unicorns!